Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
