fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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