Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
