new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
