Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
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Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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