And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
