i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
