home. puking in laundry basket.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
