Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
