ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
