Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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