She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
