Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
