at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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