gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
