i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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