It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
