I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
