Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
