im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
