Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
