The maid of honor just puked.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
