from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
