bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
