i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
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It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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