whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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