Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
