I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
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he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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