I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
