Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
