whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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