I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
