Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
