I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
