we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
