theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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