I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize