there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
