So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
