i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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