I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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