definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
