I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
