I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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