I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
