The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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