How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
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I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
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I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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