ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
not ubering you a puppy
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
