He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
