I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
