somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think my fart just growled at me.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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