i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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