dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
