There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My feet surprised me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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