just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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