Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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