mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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