I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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