My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
