take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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