I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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